Friday, February 28, 2014

America the Fre... scratch that.

Warning:  Freedom may be hazardous to your health.

You have to stop at checkpoints now and show your identification. That's something they told us that only Communist Russians did when I was in school. Cameras film everyones' every move. Everyones' phone calls and internet conversations are recorded and monitored. You can now be arrested and held indefinitely without any explanation of why they're holding you, without a lawyer, and without a trial... and they dare to call this a "Free country?"
Every time you give the government the right to take some freedom from somebody, they will eventually take that right from you. Every time you give up a little freedom, the government is going to ask you to give up a little MORE freedom. At this point in our country, I can very much relate to Martin Niemoller when he wrote the poem "First They Came."
"Martin Niemöller (1892-1984) was a prominent Protestant pastor who emerged as an outspoken public foe of Adolf Hitler and spent the last seven years of Nazi rule in concentration camps.


Niemöller is perhaps best remembered for the quotation:


First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Socialist.


Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.


Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Jew.


Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me."
Wake up America! The same thing is happening here... perhaps in smaller increments at a time, but it seems to be increasing exponentially.
You no longer have the right to remain silent. You no longer have the right to an attorney. Don't bother asking for one to be appointed. You don't have a right to a speedy trial by a jury of your peers. You do not have a right to feel secure in your own home as police can now enter and search without a warrant if anyone gives them permission to come in... even your two year old. You do not have a right to privacy. You do not have a right to your bodily fluids. Do you understand these lacks of rights as I have explained them to you?
You DO have the right to be killed for holding a coffee cup, a cell phone, or anything else that police might deem to be a "deadly weapon."

Cal Out

This 'n' That

I'm waiting to see most of my doctors at the beginning of the month and my stomach doctor in the middle of the month if I have enough money left.  I have to see the heart doctor first though to see if he will give me approval to have surgery to remove the precancerous tumour since it's too large to remove with a scope.  I don't know if the heart doctor will want to replace my faulty pacemaker first or not.  If they keep jacking around though, I'll end up with full blown stomach cancer.  It moves very rapidly.



Since I'm not going to have chemo, I figure I may last a little longer than the six months my late wife did.  I don't know.  I could be wrong.  I certainly know that I'm not going to have multiple surgeries.  They'll get one shot to remove it and if they don't get it, too bad.



I'm not looking forward to missing a huge hunk of my stomach so I have put on some extra pounds for the slow descent into skeletonhood.  That may help me hold off an extra month or two.  Diane was quite a bit overweight for her size when she got it though and she looked like a skeleton in about five months and was dead the sixth.



My computer is still out and my account is still about $260 overdrawn.  My mother keeps clicking on ads for medical equipment to "help me."  All she's doing is helping me into poverty for the remainder of my life.  It's a good thing it's going to be short.  She already took every bit of my extra money, charged to my account since her name is on it, to buy burial insurance.  If BP doesn't want to pay my life insurance then let the State bury me.  All I'[ll be is an empty husk.  My body will no longer be consuming food to create energy and all of my thoughts will cease, so who CARES what they do with my body.  Hell, they can just throw it in the trash can and roll it out to the street for all I care.  I can't even afford to buy all of my medications now that she bought the extra policy.  I guess she wants the BP money to go to my son.  It's not much, but it's enough to bury me. I think it's about $28,000. Why should I have to spend $150 a month on burial insurance when I already have an insurance policy I worked for for 15 years? My body is going to be nothing but an empty husk. I will have quit consuming food and my body will have stopped creating energy. My thought processes will have stopped. Hell, throw me in the trash can and wheel me out front or bury me in the back yard if you have to. I don't care. Quit depriving the worms of their food. Let my empty body decompose into oil and natural gas that people thousands of years into the future can fight over if mankind hasn't destroyed itself by then. I don't really care anymore. Since I have no Windows operating system I can't write music and it's extremely difficult to write on this laptop because of the damn mouse pad that they put right where you set your wrists. One slip an it deletes half a paragraph or more as just happened as I was typing this paragraph. I HATE having to retype.



I decided to give up on writing my life story since I can't afford to get my computer fixed. I'm sure the hard drive is fine but I don't know if it would work in a computer of another type or another speed and still retain the book and the music that I was working on. This is the FOURTH time I've tried to write a book and lost it because of computer failure. I give up. I give up on life, on love, on everything. May death come to me quickly!



Cal

Friday, February 14, 2014

Economic Woes in Venezuela

I was contacted yesterday by an old friend from Venezuela who used to come sing on my LiveVideo live show.  According to her, socialism isn't going so well there.  They are having economic woes just as we are and their protests are being met with violence by police which killed three students.  Here is how the conversation went:


hi cal how r u feeling did u heard th news from Venezuela no good here
this happened yesterday
anyway we are ok
Why were they being shot? What were they protesting?
im AFRAID ONE DAY govrment take off internet. president order to close a tv station becausethey were telling the truth about what happen
students
They're shooting students?
corrupt governance, high levels of violence & lack of security, and a crumbling economy more more
yes
socialism
sucks
im so sad
That is not good. That happened here in the 60s.
look
Capitalism doesn't seem to be doing much better.
Where were you?
https://twitter.com/search?q=%23prayforvenezuela&src=typd&mode=photoshttps://twitter.com/search?q=%23prayforvenezuela&src=typd&mode=photos
look the pics
they talked about socialism but all what they used is from capitalism, rolex, armani, iphone, etc etc
anyway hope u are doing well...
bbl
I will spread the story, pics, and video. The same thing is happening here n the U.S. I think it's happening most everywhere right now. It's worldwide economic collapse. I know it's happening in the U.K. These "Austerity" politics are hurting everyone but the rich.
Okay
I'm glad you're okay.
yes we are ok.. but this President suck... now the channels cant talk about whaty happene because they inmediately order to close, to take off the signal
studemts
https://twitter.com/VVperiodistas/status/433669351821291520/photo/1https://twitter.com/VVperiodistas/status/433669351821291520/photo/1
3 students died, lots of hurt people, ad other disappear
take care, im not feeling well going to rest some...
I hope you feel better soon. I hope things get better there also. I'm glad I'm in the woods.
I spread on facebook and twitter. Google+ next.
Stay safe Peace!
They only killed one student here last year. They were using rubber bullets but one person died anyway.
yeeah me too Cal... i dont know how many ppl need to died...
but Nationals TV dont talk about this... u need to look on internet to know everything...
is so sad, young ppl losing life, here life's nothing
Yes, it is sad. We are having the same here. People are being kicked out of their homes then out of their tents when they try to set up tent cities.
I'm glad I'm not in the city anymore. I'm too old to stand up and fight.
Are they using real bullets there?
si
really did and salva too
I am so sad. It shouldn't happen.
im so sad for my country i really feel embarrasing
this should not happen.
This is not the country I grew up in. Things are getting terrible now. They say it's always darkest before the dawn though.
yes... god bless us...
Yes, may God bless each and every one of us. We all need His help right now.
take care Cal.... hope they dont take off our internet.,, they starting closing medias long time ago when Chavez was still alive, radio, tv, news paper....now televisions cant talk about this, because the goverment order to shut the signal
I am sorry. I hope they don't shut the internet. I did spread the news though.
like a famous channel,,, was closed Hugo Chavez orderd like 7 years ago, and still off goverment took their antennas, location all...
have a good day...!!
Six corporate stations bought up all of our news stations so they can control the news too. None of the Occupy protests are being broadcast.
You too and stay safe.
more pic
ughhhhh bbl
 
As you can see, Venezuela's socialism is no better than our capitalism as far as economic woes, corruption of government, and brutality against protesters goes.  "Austerity" seems to be the rule of the day worldwide.  At least other countries are standing up and trying to do something about it even though they're being met with force.

I haven't heard from my friend today so I hope she's alright.  You never know in a country so far away.  If I hear from her again, I will try to keep you updated.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

My Near Heart-Stopping Dream

I had moved back to Longview.My mother had to go into the hospital up there. There were a bunch of teenagers were in the house all playing different music on their new cell phones which made it hard to understand what the hospital was saying but they wouldn't take my mother into the hospital without a credit card or debit card. They had to have my debit card so I had to drive back to get it. 

When I got back to Magnolia, the phone was out so I drove to the McLean's old house in Houston and the McLeans were there and decided that they wanted to go with me. I drove back to get my grandfather (all three are long dead) and found out that my mother was out of the hospital. I went and got her and took my mom home then for some reason the McLeans, my grandfather, and I wanted to go to my house in Texas City. We decided to rent a helicopter because we didn't think we were going to make it in time. I don't know who I called, but I called someone and there was a helicopter in the parking lot. We got in and I was piloting since I was the only one who had even flown a simulator before. I took off and we were flying up I 45 N.

We got almost to my house in Texas City and I had lost direction and somehow ended up almost over Galveston. Suddenly, we were over the 610 loop again and ran out of gas.  The lady who played Deanna Troi was somehow aboard suddenly and I asked her to put my cell phone in the compartment in the visor. As she did so, she fell out and I made a daring sweep allowing her to grab the landing gear and set her on a grain silo where she ripped her clothes off, allowing her to grab a light pole with her torn uniform, then swinging to the top of the silo in safety. She made some remark about having that uniform since the beginning the series then said something about never liking that uniform anyway.

We continued on and an updraft took us high in the air. I figured that if we couldn't land close to a gas station it would be a big problem to get the helicopter back to the heliport. We were high in the air and somewhere over the ship channel and we were slowly descending due to the counter rotation of the helicopter blades.  The whole helicopter sequence seemed to last for hours.

I was trying to hit the Gulf Freeway and maybe pick up a ride on a flatbed but that wasn't to be. I suddenly noticed a hand crank just under the blades and started cranking out the blades but that left us with no control since I was now having to steer with a straight rod not unlike the end of one side of a bicycle handle.

I gave up on trying to maneuver to the Gulf Freeway but didn't want to put down in the Ship Channel because of its depth. I was trying to put down in a sand yard to soften our landing somewhat and everyone was screaming that we weren't going to make it as I reassured them we would. (mind you the helicopter wasn't obeying the laws of aerodynamics) and I was beginning the descent deciding to brake by steering against the strong crosswind.

I woke up covered in sweat.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

9/11, 9/11

I know that some of my friends will dismiss this all as "conspiracy theory," and maybe they're right... but it doesn't hurt to look at a few facts just for kicks.  There were a couple things that occurred on 9/11.  No, not just the twin towers and building 7.  There was something else that happened on 9/11 of 1990 when G.H.W. Bush was president.




When I heard this broadcast on television, I though all of the Christian Right preachers would be against it since a one world order is mentioned in the bible about the rise of the Antichrist and the Beast.  I went to talk to a few Christian Right leaders about it and they SUPPORTED it.  I was shocked.  I guess changing the word from "one" that their preachers taught about to "new" fooled them.


Revelation 13:7-10

New International Version (NIV)
It was given power to wage war against God’s holy people and to conquer them. And it was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation. All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast—all whose names have not been written in the Lamb’s book of life, the Lamb who was slain from the creation of the world.[a]
Whoever has ears, let them hear.
10 “If anyone is to go into captivity,
    into captivity they will go.
If anyone is to be killed[b] with the sword,
    with the sword they will be killed.”[c]
This calls for patient endurance and faithfulness on the part of God’s people.

Footnotes:

  1. Revelation 13:8 Or written from the creation of the world in the book of life belonging to the Lamb who was slain
  2. Revelation 13:10 Some manuscripts anyone kills
  3. Revelation 13:10 Jer. 15:2

The bible is usually referring to a country when it speaks of things.  Currently, the United States is the largest military power in the world.  It has involved itself in the affairs of every country in the world.  It would make sense that, at least if it is to occur at this time, that the United States would be the one with the power to wage war against all nations.

The bible makes another statement about the Antichrist.

Matthew 24:23-24

King James Version (KJV)
23 Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not.
24 For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.

This is why I have little faith in the Christian Right.  Matthew 24:24 says, at the end of the statement that "if it were possible" the elect would be deceived.  I take that to mean that it is not possible to deceive the elect and therefore feel that those who were deceived couldn't be the elect.  Of course, there are many other reasons for not trusting the Christian Right since they support war, starving the poor, and other anti-Christian  values, but this really made it stick out in my head.  If they were fooled by something blatantly obvious as this and even supported it, there's something wrong.

Now, I'm not saying that the two events were related but I'm not saying that they weren't either.  One person on Facebook made the following statements.


"The Arctic vortex is not new , during the "dark Ages" there was also Arctic Vortex and arctic surges , they started slow then rapidly grew in strength and duration until the Mini Ice Age was brought about .The dark Ages we called that because Growing food was scarce and infrequent due to sudden freezes and rain saturation , diseases that destroyed complete food crops in huge areas , the Black Plague , well that was caused by unsanitary reasons , you were safest simply by using a well used horse blanket wrapped around yourself . Funny as it sounds , the Horse Does not Have Fleas, and the people that collected bodies of the plague dead didn't get the plague because no fleas to bite them . So IF they say the environment is recovering its false , its just started to repair itself at a very high human cost , after all its a human cause. By the way , in India cultures are being systematically slaughtered and poisoned . doesn't sound bad does it. remember the documentaries of water buffalos crossing rivers? crocodiles or alligators chowing down , plus water buffalo are terrible swimmers . At the end of travel the same dead and rotting buffalo carcasses collect in pools of the river , Vultures being great in number were in control of sanitation , at a time it was enough .But now the buffalo sit and rot making huge moving pools of bacteria and diseases floating down river as the carcasses rot away , because someone is systematically removing the one thing that kept disease down .Already the disease effect has shown up in India , But that was a special on the history and the discovery channels . just a thought to make you wonder... why someone would want to cause a diseased country that has :"International implications by travel and movement of people possibly carrying disease?? wasn't there something about population reduction , because a smaller population is easier to control? are we thinking yet? if you "Connect The Dots" the NWO or New World Order plan appears to be right on track , add agenda 21 where the rich or corporations are the only land owners and we the people live in cement apartments of 2 room shoeboxes . maybe a rethink of who exactly We The People are , and who is paying the corrupted prostitutes in congress , it just might be the Pimps that redirected the cash using insider trading and market manipulation , land grabs , predatory mortgages , predatory loans , like "Reverse mortgages " that bank of America is already Foreclosing on , ,, FORECLOSING ON A REVERSE MORTGAGE?? hmm you own it until you die or leave ?? you get $60,000.00 in assets as a loan or reverse mortgage BUT to buy it back will cost you or your family $260,000.00 or more because in the small print there is an adjusted interest rate that makes sure the banks retain ownership . Eminent domain in the future will be used to build mass housing , you no longer own your land , if oil is found or minerals that a corporation wants is found on your land YOU DO NOT SELL IT BECAUSE YOU DO NOT OWN THE OIL OR MINERAL DEPOSITS . Funny how the new world order is already here [sic]"

"THIS is when Insider trading was in full force . we were being ripped of , our homes businesses and everything we hold dear was being taken from us , by a corrupted congress and a wall street and banks . G Dubya Sr was at this time working a personal deal with the arabs that Karl Rove , Donald Rumsfeld and dick cheney as well as Bush's advisor / lawyer made $1.1 billion while he was seated in the oval office . how about a conflict of interest , that was just one of his side deals . isn't it supposed to be full time being president or was that argument for everyone else like cheney [sic]"

This is obviously someone who IS into conspiracy theorist, but not all theories are incorrect.  Much of Science is theory.  Isn't it interesting that it was the Saudi Arabians who supposedly flew the attack on 9/11/2001 yet it was blamed on Iraq? Osama bin Laden was a member of the family that financed G.W. Bush's oil business and probably his run for presidency. It's all seems to be a scam and people are too stupid or too high minded to see through it.  Perhaps those who reject it are pushing the "New World Order" themselves.  Who knows?

Monday, January 13, 2014

About My Life Story and Other Things - A Rant

I was writing my life story for someone who promised to pay me once I had it written and sent to him, then I realized that for the past thirteen years I've been working my ass off for people and never got paid as was promised.  I have now resolved myself not to work for anyone without a contract.  I will still write my life story, but without a legal binding promise of payment, I will not release it to any publisher.  I will not write music and make trailers for Indie movies for people who make promises that they don't deliver after they have the completed work suited to their desires.  I want a legally binding contract first.  I will not work 32 hours straight most days of the week for two or more years on a concert festival and not get paid.  I want a legally binding contract first.  Thirteen years.  Yes, I'm a little slow.  I've finally learned though.  I've worked on everything from political campaigns to the Woodstock 40th Anniversary to writing for online magazines and humor sites to writing music and making trailers for Indie movies.  I have not received one cent or one thing as compensation.



When I work, I work hard on what I do.  I don't appreciate people stealing it just because I'm poor and cannot afford a lawyer to sue.  I'm tired of paying dues to ASCAP when they don't do as they promised and defend me when someone steals my music.  I'm totally fed up with all the rich who feel entitled to steal from the poor then turn around and laugh at them and belittle them for being poor. I'm fed up! It's about time I was though.



I have been suffering severe pain and illness as I did all this work. I worked most days endlessly trying to get the work accomplished, having to run to the bathroom with diarrhea as my “breaks,” yet the people who promised to pay me for my services never came through, not with one thing. I never asked for help but when someone offered and I reluctantly and gratefully accepted, they never came through either.



I have resolved myself to no longer be a doormat making money for others and never receiving compensation. Not just because my religion dictates that a worker is deserving of his pay but also because it's common decency to pay someone for the work they do for you. Why others feel they deserve to take from people and not pay them for their work is beyond me. They claim they worked hard to get where they are but all they did was work hard at stealing the work of others. They deserve to be locked up somewhere and the key be thrown away, not given bonuses and pats on the back for stealing. Meanwhile, I sit here in a house that needs serious repair and making do and appreciating the things that I have as I battle for my life with my heart and my impending stomach cancer. I wonder how they sleep at night?  Is it my dementia or have I just gained some common sense?


Friday, December 20, 2013

My Life Story Part 1

My Life Story

I was born in Corona, CA.   My dad was stationed at the 29 Palms Marine base.  My dad was shipped to Korea, so we came home when I was about 12 days old.  My mother told me that when I was on the way to the Naval Hospital where I was bornMy earliest memory is when I was six months old. I was sitting in a small swimming pool on the front porch in Highlands, TX. My mom called me into the house to show me a picture of my dad who was overseas in the Marines. It was either that or sitting on an anthill thinking it would make a fine stool. They happened around the same age. I was living in this house.







When I was 18 months old, shortly before my dad came home from Okinawa, I was run over by my mother's best friend who had just gotten her driver's license. I had quit breathing and my leg was stuck on the tire and my leg broken under the fender well cover. I had quit breathing so I was presumed dead. That's not the only time I made a miraculous recovery but it was the first. Here is a picture of my grandmother's house where I was run over in the driveway by my mother's best friend who had just gotten her license.  I was playing with the shell in the driveway while my mother was untangling my dad's fishing line in his fishing reel.



I spent a lot of time at my grandmother's house. In fact, we practically lived there. My uncle who was ten years older than I would teach me morse code, my grandfather would teach me about drums and broke his lamb head snare when I was trying to play it which taught me a little about physics, my grandmother bought me my first toy guitar which I tried to tune even though it had a crank to play. I got in trouble for climbing a tree in the back when I was three or four years old. I had climbed way to the top and when my grandmother found me she told me to get down from there and switched me for it. My grandparents had a piano on which I used to tinker playing things like Chopsticks and basically learning the sounds of my notes, creating my own songs sometimes. I learned right from wrong there.

At her next door neighbor's house, I learned to play the accordion a little but the old man had little patience with a four year old so I didn't learn much. I think I got a song or two learned but that was about it. The neighbors were the Esteraks. I was fond of the woman of the house who fed her peacocks in her back yard. Even though her name was Mrs. Estrak, I called her “Mrs. Quack Quack” because that's the best I could do at that age. I think I learned to say her name properly by the time I was four, but I think I still called her Mrs. Quack Quack because that's what I had called her for so long just like I called my aunt Doris “Aunt Dodo.” Here's a picture of Mrs' Quack Quack's house.



I went down one day knocking on people's back doors asking for candy. The woman at the end of the street three houses over gave me some candy and called my grandmother. My grandmother came over there, apologized to the lady, grabbed me by the arm, and switched me all the way home. That was my first spanking by my grandmother and I thought I was being killed.



By this time I considered my grandparents more of my parents than my real parents. Having my dad come home from the Marines was difficult for me because I was used to getting all of the attention from my mom, my uncle, and my two aunts who were nice. My dad... not so nice. Moving away from the small town of Highlands to Houston with my dad was even more difficult for me at first. I wasn't used to this strange man with the loud Marine Sergeant voice yelling at me and beating me. Here is a picture of the house in Houston. It was white back then and I thought that's what they were talking about when they said The White House.




There I finally got used to having a father but hated the beatings, sometimes for a small reason like accidentally coloring outside the lines, or other times for no reason at all. He loved to beat me with his belt so I didn't have too many fond memories of him. At one point though, my dad started building a race car and made me disassemble the engine. I think I was about eight onr nine then. I was still skinny and weakly but I managed to get most of it disassembled with a little help from him on the hardest parts. He and his friends would put it all together and he'd go race at Meyer's Speedway in Houston. It was near Meyerland Plaza where my mother used to shop. It was fun watching my dad race every week though. I can't Meyer's Speedway anymore so it must have been torn down, but I did find Meyerland Plaza on Google Maps.  Meyerland Plaza was where I saw my first "Wild West Medicine Show."  It was put on by the radio station KILT if I remember correctly.




I went to Windsor Village Elementary School during that time, and in third grade I believe, I was going to the restroom and saw the principal and a few other people watching the Kennedy parade in Dallas. I stopped to watch. It was a live broadcast. I actually saw him get shot. When I got back to the classroom, the teacher called me a liar and I believe paddled me. The next day she profoundly apologized when she learned the truth for herself.  I had a best friend there named Grey Hayes who was a Jehovah's Witness and had a bomb shelter in his back yard.  He used to protect me from the bullies until he was severely injured, then I protected him.  Here's a shot of the old school.





My mother sent one of her friends to pick me up and I wouldn't get in the car with her because they had just showed us a film on strangers. I didn't really know what a stranger was, but she was trying to get me into the car like a stranger did in the film, so I wouldn't go and walked all the way home.


Having the injury to my leg and dying for awhile caused me to be more sickly and less athletic than other children my age and very skinny as well, something that plagued me from that age through high school. Still, I continued to do my best at whatever I could do. I did a lot of reading. I loved science and religion. The first time I heard about God, I felt like I already knew him. The scar from the surgery was unsightly... and still is to some degree so I almost never wore shorts, something difficult in Southeast Texas heat. When I went to the beach, I hated to have to pull off my long trunks to go swimming in my swimming trunks. It made me very self conscious.

When I was about five or six, one of my best friends had to move away. His mother came to get him as he was playing outside with me. She explained to us how her husband had been killed in Vietnam and how horrible war was. Those words stuck with me throughout my life. When I heard the beatitudes, I took note of the following verse:

Matthew 5:9

New International Version (NIV)
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.

From that time on, my desire was to be a peacemaker. I tried to live as Jesus did and tried to behave as the Bible taught us to.

A few years after my dad started racing, he was transferred to Longview, TX by his company Triangle Refineries, Inc. where he had been a computer programmer. He was a CEO of Premier Oil in Longview. That's when things got rough. 
This was our house in Longview.  It's still the same ugly pink that it was then. 
I was beaten at home and beaten at school. I wasn't athletic then but did well at music. At the time we didn't realize that my kidney was infected and was getting worse and worse.




It was a split level home and our bedrooms were upstairs. The television was downstairs on a room next to the basement. That's where my dad would sit and drink when he got home. He started beating me and my mom more frequently.  I made a few friends there and even had a girlfriend.  I was eleven through twelve years old when we lived there.  The boys were pretty rough, most of them and their dads being in the KKK.  They liked to beat me up because I was a Methodist and not a Baptist.  That gave me a pretty bad impression of Baptists.  That made things even harder.


My dad had decided to spend his money elsewhere and not at home.  Every night we would hide behind the couch to see if he came home sober or drunk.  If he was sober, he was relatively friendly.  If he was drunk, he was hell.  By then I'd had enough of his Marine Corps "discipline..." basically the torture he went through at 29 Palms. I was beaten at home and beaten at school. I wasn't athletic then but did well at music. At the time we didn't realize that my kidney was infected and was getting worse and worse.


One night, my dad came home, beat and pistol whipped my mom, shot a hole in the door to the garage, then put the gun in her mouth. After that he made her strip so he could take pictures of her. No, I'm not going to show you the pictures, but you could see the fear and hurt in her face. I had her burn them. Afterward, he went upstairs and laid on top of my sister and I had to push his drunk, passed out ass off of her with my legs. He was 250 pounds and I was a 98 pound weakling.


Although I had been disciplined by a Marine, I didn't like to fight because I wanted to be like Jesus. That got me beaten more than if I had stood up for myself. I did occasionally get in a fight with a neighborhood kid who would want to beat me up because I was skinny. Still, I was determined enough to tell my mom that I was going to take my sisters and go move in with my grandfather if she didn't leave him. She thought about it then finally made the right choice and left.