Friday, May 17, 2019

GOOoooOOOLLY, Uncle Al! Lookie what I found!



GOOoooOOOLLY, Uncle Al!  Lookie what I found!

Double Naught Spy Naught Naught 6 ¾ here.  Ah went DEEP undercover to see what was up with all a them ladies what kept messagin’ me so much that I couldn't hardly do NOTHIN’ on USA.life.  I mean, I KNOW that I'm darn good lookin’ like my Uncle Al, but somethin’ jest didn't seem rite!

I decided ta follow them on Hangouts and give them mAh phone number like they asked, then I jest played along with whatever they said.  Them purty ladies shore could talk sweet! Thar musta been one heck of a run of bad luck because every one a them women had somethin’ terrible happen in thar lives.  Some of them had ta go stay with thar poor, sick granny ta take care of her, but all a them women wanted to come marry ME! If I'da let 'em, what woulda happened ta thar poor, sick granny?  A whole bunch a them lost thar husbands in a car accident two years ago. 2017 must have been a really unlucky year for car accidents. Another couple a them lost thar whole families in a car accident.  One a them was a Christian refugee in Syria who wanted to get out so she don't get blowed up, so I really wanted ta help her. I just don't have anywhare NEAR $2400.00. All a these women needed mAh financial help.

Most a these ladies had college degrees in Business Administration but, as luck would have it, none a them could get a job.  I thought Obama done made thuh economy so good that there was so many jobs that it improved the sitiation all the way thru the Trump aministration.  I don't know how all a them could be without a job. That's how it was, though. All a them women couldn't find a job. That's why they needed me ta do things like send them money ta come see me or send them money ta fix thar cell phones, or buy 'em a gift card so they could call me an’ talk ta me.  One woman's phone camera wouldn't work lessen’ ah sent them a iTunes gift card. Imagine THAT! Them women shore had some mighty strange and mighty powerful problems. I'm over here just a scratchin’ mAh head awonderin’ what ta’ do!

I finally found this here beautiful woman.



She was purtier then a movie star so I wanted to be SURE ta type reel gud ta her.  Boy howdy, it got steamier than granny's still after corn harvest! I finally got her to try to go on cam with me, but this is what happened!



Someone at iTunes must be makin’a fortune holdin’ these purty womens’ cameras hostage like that.  It's a darn shame. How are them purty girls what hasn't got no job supposed to use thar cameras?

Well, anyways, I really wanted to see this purty lady on her webcam, so she musta gotten a iTunes card herself and she turned on her cam 'cause I talked so purty.  And GOOoooOOOLLY, Uncle Al! Lookie what I found!



Well, I thought thar musta been somethin’wrong with her camera still because she shore didn't look like her picture, so I asked what was agoin’ on.  As it turned out, it was these guys all along. They shore did fool me!




Well, tarNATion!  That was a real head scratchin’moment.  I had no idear that this purty white woman coulda been two black men in South Africa!  I guess they must have some a that gender confusion over thar in South Africa or somethin’ fer them to have been so good at actin’ like a purty lady so good.

Well, I got to talkin’ to them an they turned out to be purty nice, except for them a foolin’ me an’ all.  We done struck up a friendship. I got to see his friends an’ whar he lived an’ everything! The only thing I can't figger out is how they done fooled a guy like me with a sixth grade edjucation!



Thursday, May 9, 2019

I Must Be a Double Naught Spy!


I'm tellin' you, people.  I must be a Double Naught Spy!  I'm getting friend requests from more beautiful women than you can shake a stick at!  They all want to be my wife, sometimes the first time we chat!  I must really have a way with the ladies!









Thay mostly come from the U-nited States but one a them is from Damascus, Syria.  She's in a Christian refugee camp and she only needs $2400.00 to come and be my wife forever!


She might be the real deal though because she showed me a picture of her baby.

Most a them just want $500.00 for a plane ticket to see me or a gift card so they can talk to me better.  A couple of them have broken cell phones and want me to buy them a new one.  What I can't figger out is how they took a picture of their broken cell phone if they had no other way to talk to me?  Them women is hard ta figger out sometimes.

I don't know how I could be so lucky to git so many beauties to want ta marry me all at once like this, but it's a really head-scratchin' sitiation.  All of 'em is as sweet as candy and American as apple pie.  They don't have no good Grammer like me, though.  I guess you kain't expect everyone to be as good as schoolin' like me.  I done gragiated the sixth grade so you know I'm smart!

I reckon if I have to choose just one, since I'm not a Muslim in a Muslim country or a Mormon in Utah, it would have to be the Christian refugee in Syria.  She might cost a little more, but my Uncle Al always told me, "You get what you pay for."  I just hope that he was right.





Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Jesus Will Make You Rich?




Joel Osteen and others who preach the “Jesus will make you rich" “gospel" teach that if you aren't getting rich, you aren't living right by Jesus.  What does the Bible say?

Matthew 17:27 King James Version (KJV)
27 Notwithstanding, lest we should offend them, go thou to the sea, and cast an hook, and take up the fish that first cometh up; and when thou hast opened his mouth, thou shalt find a piece of money: that take, and give unto them for me and thee.

Hmm, that doesn't sound like someone who's rich.  Repeater in Jesus not living right by Jesus? Of course they were. Why weren't be rich enough to pay the temple tax then? It close that what the preachers were preaching was untrue.

These preachers also preach that if you're having problems in your life that you're not living right by Jesus.  What does the Bible say about that?

Matthew 5:45 King James Version (KJV)
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

And

2 Timothy 3:12-13 King James Version (KJV)
12 Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.

13 But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived.

It sounds as if these teachers are teaching the exact opposite of what the Bible says.

Matthew 7:15 King James Version (KJV)
15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

Beware folks.  You may think that you are following a Christian preacher but they may be ravenous wolves.

Saturday, April 27, 2019

Socialism Isn't So Great

Socialism Isn't So Great


When some people hear the word socialism, they think of “free stuff," unicorns and rainbows.  I'm about to tell you of the starting reality.

This woman lives in Venezuela.




She is a long-time friend who used to sing on my live show.  She's beautiful and has a beautiful voice. She is sweet and kind.  She also hates socialism.

Relatively recently, her country was taken over by a socialist dictator.  Nicolás Maduro has been limiting electricity to four hours every day or two.  How are you supposed to keep your food refrigerated or your house air conditioned on that?

She said that there have been riots and looting so bad that it's very difficult to get food for her and her child to eat.  She never knows when the four hours of electricity will be so when it's on, she tries to charge her cell phone so that she can contact those of us who knew her on Facebook.  Since I will no longer be on Facebook, I'll have to try to find a way to get word to her that I'm here now.

I hope that things improve for her and all the good people of Venezuela.  I hate to hear of her living in these kind of conditions. I wish that I could help her somehow but I don't have the means.  Please pray for her and Venezuela and remember, socialism isn't so great.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

48 Hours Later...

48 Hours Later...





It has been over 48 hours since Facebook banned me and I'm feeling the strain.  I don't know how much longer I can hold out.  It seems like a lifetime since I've been insulted by other Facebook users, been belittled by feminists for being a white male,  been called racist by liberals who had no intelligent response to fact, been called a misogynist for posting something positive about Trump who exposed women for letting him "grab them by the pussy" because he was a star, or any number of other things I have to endure on a daily basis.  I'm a white, Christian male, so I deserve such punishment, after all.  How am I supposed to live without the punishment and abuse?  I NEED Facebook.

No, no.  I must stay strong.  I can't let this get to me.  I've gone without being insulted before.  I know that I can do this.  I don't know how long I'm in the slammer for this time, but if you can't do the time, don't do the crime of speaking the truth.  It's a very unpopular thing to do these days.  Still, I must try.  I'm related to George Washington and I cannot tell a lie.  If I let Uncle George down, he might haunt me.  I... MUST... STAY... STRONG.  I don't know, though.  I'm starting to feel a little liberal, Muslim, and gay.  No, no.   Shake it off, Cal.  There is more at stake here than being accepted by Facebook.

Oh, Fakebook, PLEASE let me back on!




Monday, April 22, 2019

Facebook Is Abusing Me!

Facebook Is Abusing Me





Facebook is abusing me.  That's right.  THEY'RE abusing ME!  I made a post about my doctors in Tomball, who happen to be Muslim, saying that they're scum.  They ARE scum in my book.  Anyone who would deliberately mess up someone's heart and knowingly leave it that way for over 10 years is scum.  I don't care if they're Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Clan of the Holy UFO, or what.  If they deliberately do that to someone, they're scum.  Being Muslim does not free them from being called what they are.  S. C. U. M!  I also found out by talking to other heart patients of these same doctors that they were done the same way.  That makes them TRIPLE SCUM!

Having a doctorate does not excuse someone.  Hell, I went to college longer than they did.  I don't have a degree because my company wouldn't let me off to take the finals.  I had a 4.0, so I would have easily aced the finals, so that's not my fault.  That wouldn't excuse me from doing that to someone either.

I'm sure if I had said, "Some Christian scum doctors" everything would be fine.  Christians tend to forgive things like a random Facebook comment.  Someone at Facebook must have gotten butthurt that someone could call a Muslim doctor, scum.  Now I think that Facebook is scum for being so abusive.  You know what that is?  That's an opinion, just like liberals thinking Donald Trump is scum is an opinion.

People in the U.S. are allowed to have and state such opinions.  Having an opinion isn't the same as making a threat or making false claims, especially when your opinion is supported by fact.  The last I checked, Facebook is headquartered in the U. S.  Did they move their headquarters to the United Arab Emirates overnight?  Let me check.


Nope.  Still in California.  Oh, wait.  That's almost the same as not being in the U.S.  Maybe California seceeded and became part of the United Arab Emirates?  Let me check.


Oh, I see.  Financially, they did.  Here's the link if you want to read it.  https://losangeles.uae-embassy.org/consulate/consulate-news/california-uae-bilateral-trade-exceeds-1-5-billion

So, do financial dealings override the Constitution?  Let's see.

Hmm.  No.  Not yet.

So, why is Facebook abusing me?  Could it be that a moderator is Muslim and took offense?  That might be a possibility.  After all, THIS https://youtu.be/E8Ox6H64yu8 Android became a member of the United Arab Emirates and we all know that Facebook is using AI now.  Happy computing in the age of AI, y'all.






Friday, March 8, 2019

What Did Jesus Say About Marriage?

What Did Jesus Say About Marriage?

What did Jesus say about marriage?  Let's take a look.

Matthew 19:3-12 King James Version (KJV)
3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?

4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?

8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

The Bible also tells us this.

1 Peter 3 King James Version (KJV)
3 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

Now many stop there, and many husband's wish it would, (pause for laughter) but verse 7 goes on and tells us how husbands should treat their wives.

7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.

10 For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:

11 Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.

12 For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.

Now Jesus doesn't want a month to Lord over his wife with an iron fist expecting them to slave to his every wish while he ignores HER needs.  Married couples are to work together. Where one is strong, the other may be weak. If he's not good with numbers, it's okay for the woman to balance the checkbook.  When the wife has to work, it's alright for the husband to cook and clean and even do the laundry. If one of them is sick or injured, the other should step up and carry the load for awhile until the other can heal or recover from an illness.

In spite of what some psychiatrists tell you these days, that's not “co-dependence.”. I'm sure that everyone has heard that made up term by now.  It's how husband and wife are supposed to treat each other. The two are as one, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. That's what makes a good marriage.

I know that many of you have heard me rant about my wifebeing unfaithful.  While that is true, there were many things that we did as man and wife that are painful for me to remember.  We DID work as a team and it was very painful when she was separated from me by death. I had every biblical reason to divorce her and sometimes considered it, especially just before she found out that she had cancer and told me that she was leaving me right after the party was over.  Still, when she got the news, I didn't run and say that I just couldn't handle it. I stayed and did my best to do what I could to help her through it. I took my vows seriously even though she did not.

We are not ready responsible for what our spouse does.  We are held accountable for what WE did. Did WE do what was good and pleasing to God or did we behave in a manner which God told us not to?

Need another example?

Ephesians 5:17-33 King James Version (KJV)
17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.

18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;

20 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

Now I know that husband's wish that it would stop there again, but it goes on.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Yes, there it is.  That stinky old part about how husbands should treat their wives, but it's there in black and white.

Sometimes my wife and I would bicker and argue and not behave as we were told that we should in a marriage.  My wife was not a Christian and she denied that she believed in Jesus to her grave. I knew that she would be completely healed if she could believe strongly enough.  It had happened for me more than once, so I tried to get her to believe one last time so that I would see her in heaven. Alas, it was useless. Still, she defended me to her family even though she was dying.  Perhaps that was enough? I don't know. I sometimes hope that I will see her again, just not looking down her in the pit of hell.

Those of you who are Christian and have Christian spouses should know better.  You should know how to treat one another. If you don't, familiarize yourself with these verses then ask yourself again, “Am I treating my spouse the way that God wants me to?”  Listen to what the voice inside tells you. Sometimes it might not be what we want to hear, but you need to listen to that voice.

Oh, I almost left out all of the reasons that Jesus gave for acceptably divorcing your spouse.  Here IT is. It may not seem fair, but God knows better than we do.

Mark 10:2-12 King James Version (KJV)
2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.

3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?

4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.

5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.

6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

10 And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.

11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

So, if you love Jesus and want to serve the Lord as Christ loved the church, you must become one, help one another, and the wife must ohey her husband even if he's not Christian, and the husband must love and sacrifice for the wife as Christ loved and sacrificed for the church.

Have a blessed weekend.