When Spuds Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Spuds

When Spuds Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Spuds

There comes a time when a man must make his stand.
That moment came for me today, when US President / Commander-in-Chief / National School Lunch Lady Barack Obama took to the airwaves to declare an all-out War on Tater Tots. And right on cue, his missus traveled to Fort Jackson SC to brief military leaders on a pressing "national security problem" -- childhood obesity.
Maybe this is what he meant by a "Spudnik moment," but for me it was a wake-up call that our cherished American tuber rights are under siege. For if they can take our Tots, what do the Tater tyrants want next? Our Funyuns? Our Fluffernutter?
No, say I. You can nationalize our car companies. You can spend our country into oblivion. But mister, when you go after my Tots -- you've gone a casserole too far. That's why I'm declaring January 28 to February 3 National Tater Tots Rights Week and asking you to stand up with me against the Tot-grabbers in Washington. Let's let 'em know they'll get our Tater Tots when they pry them from our cold dead greasy fingers! Here's how you can participate:

Join the Buy-cott. Raid the frozen potato section of your local grocery store and buy up their Tot supply before the Feds get there first. Together, we can give Ore-Ida the financial resources they need to stave off a potential hostile government takeover.

Get out in the kitchen, rattle those pots and pans. Okay, you've got a home freezer full of spud nuglets. What next? Feed 'em to your hungry family and friends, stupid! There are a gazillion delicious, insurrectionist ways to incorporate Tots in your diet, like this. So get creative, and take pictures!

Organize and share. Forget the Tea Party, all the hip anti-government revolutionaries are joining the Tot Party! And you can be a Totbagger too - spread the word about National Tater Tot Rights Week on your favorite social media. Share strategies and recipes and organize local Tot-ins in the open comment section below.

If you have pictures of you spud-activism, make sure you email them to me (link on left sidebar) so I can share them with your comrades. So don't be shy -- show me your Tots!