My life has become dull and boring compared to my younger days. I wish that I could still go chase down bad guys, go play guitar or cornet and sing at bait camps along the Gulf of Mexico, go dancing and eating at the most exclusive clubs in Houston, and date the most beautiful women in the city but those days are over for me. Now I lie in bed watching TV, reading facebook, and writing stories and music wishing that my days would soon be over. Without love in my life nothing seems worthwhile.
Diane died thirteen years ago on December 19, 2001. It left a huge hole in my life. Although I've done some great things in my life since then, nothing even filled the void temporarily except the short periods of love I thought I had found again. Sadly, every one of those moments were very temporary. Not one of them really lasted for more than a year. To have another "'til death do us part" relationship would be wonderful but I don't see it happening again in this lifetime. Women are too dishonest and greedy these days. As much as it hurts, I guess it's better to just fade away as I reflect on my former glory... of days spent making love, on days exploring Mayan ruins, of days spent snorkeling in Cancun and Jamaica, of days apprehending criminals, and on days of trying to help the less fortunate, the addicted, and those with psychological problems. My heart is no longer up to doing those things again without love.
To me, it always seems like the present is sort of dull but the past was exciting. But then some more time goes by and I realize the period I thought was dull was exciting... compared to the new now.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I just have a really bad memory.
I don't know. I try and appreciate whatever I do have. I hope you do, too.
I do. Some days I just don't care anymore then I go to sleep and wake up the next day ready to go. I think I just need to get myself laid. Haha
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