In Memory of Strawberry

In memory of Strawberry

Rest in peace, Megan Kelly Pender Burnham

I made this video for Strawberry before she came to stay with me.

https://youtu.be/8A5WxJTiPrIu

This was out first date.  We went to Kemah Boardwalk.

Strawberry used to call herself Delilah on LiveVideo so I played thos song on LiveVideo for her.

https://youtu.be/_7lD8ymt1k8

This was after the first time we made love.

https://youtu.be/ydR_ZveZ27c

This was at a club where I usually scouted for talent for the Woodstock 40th Anniversary Committee.

https://youtu.be/YpbogwQUQOU

This was Strawberry dancing at Gilley's while I was working putting Keith Gilley and his band on the Internet live

https://youtu.be/syrrC5PIQik

This was Strawberry playing at the hospital when the doctors said that she had two months to live.

https://youtu.be/AbfZ2ebxykE

I made this after Strawberry left me.   At that time her name was Megan Kelly Pender.   I had hurt enough to have another open heart surgery after she left and just wanted to forgive her so I could move on.  Thanks to Kenny Loggins for writing a song that expressed exactly how I felt at the time.  She had been responsible for my first heart surgery as well, but I don't want to go into the details at this time.  I loved her so much that I got Broken Heart Syndrome over her twice.  This was made with pictures and videos that she sent me.

Strawberry had some amazing qualities but her demons kept dragging her back.   She was an amazing pianist.  She did so well when she was with my mom and I but my roach infestation and my mothers hoarding probably helped drive her away.   I got the roach infestation cleared up shortly after she was gone, but it was too late.   I wish she had stayed a week longer and the roaches would have been gone.

We continued to communicate after she left and she told me that she was continuing to try.  I know about her many failures and her stays in rehab.  I will miss her texts, phone calls,  and video calls.   We had formed a lasting bond.

She eventually told me that she had found faith in God, but not Christ yet.  I hope she found Christ before she died.  Maybe I'll see her in heaven when it's my time to go?  May she rest in peace.

Addendum:

Here is a link to the pictures of Strawberry that I still have.

https://www.facebook.com/cal.jennings/media_set?set=a.10202504401584255&type=3&hc_location=ufi

I found this video.   Bbn   I made for Strawberry with her pictures.

I found our first show together on LiveVideo but you have to click the link because Blogger can't seem to find it.

This is the link.  Click me.

I made this one for Strawberry before she got here.  I was singing from the heart and playing the guitar back when my fingers still worked right.  I just found it.

I just found this song I wrote for the first time I asked her to be my Valentine on LiveVideo.   I did it as a 50s style song as sort of a joke.

That's all I can find for now.  I'll add more if I find anything,  then I might add some thoughts.  We'll see.

I found another one.   Strawberry said that this was her, but it doesn't look like when I knew her.

I used to kid Strawberry about being a Russian agent sent to destroy the Woodstock 40th Anniversary since she spoke Russian or something that sounded Russian.   She gave me a Russian name and said that was her name so I did this on LiveVideo for her.

Here's a song I sang for her after getting the news of her passing. 

https://m.starmakerstudios.com/d/playrecording?app=sm&from_user_id=6192448699938787&is_convert=true&recordingId=6192449400754709&share_type=copyLink

Please at least leave your name in the comments for Megan's memorial.  If you have comments,  videos,  or pictures that you would like to add, please send them to me on Facebook or send them to my email at space.eagle.productions@gmail.com 

Being Moved When You Age

Being Moved When You Age

 

 

I recently fell ill for five months and found myself... not in my home but in Brookdale Park, a Senior Independent Living community.  It was quite a change from my retirement to the woods where I expected to live my final days and die in the comfort of my own home.

It's very beautiful here and the residents and hosts are friendly but it doesn't feel like home.  Instead of cathedral ceilings, I have straight, cracker box ceilings.  It took everything I had left from my retirement (which was basically nothing) after spending it on trying to heal Diane's stomach cancer in order to purchase a double-wide trailer with cathedral ceilings.  Now it's taking everything I have to live here.

It's alright I guess.  It's just not what I'm used to.  I was trying to get away from the hustle and bustle of the big city and have enough room between my place and the neighbors to work on my music without disturbing them too much.  Now I'm in an apartment and the neighbors are close but so far no one has complained about the music.  In fact, I'm becoming a bit of a celebrity around here.  Of course, I'm playing an acoustic guitar right now and not my electric.  There ARE some people here who like blues but most of them seem to be into Country music (yuk) rather than the type of music I generally play.  I even got cussed out by two different people for not knowing San Antonio Rose.  Boy, those old ladies can get MAD if you don't know their favorite song!  I'm just glad they didn't pick up their purses and start hitting me over the head!  Haha

I'm trying to make the best of things.  I get one meal a day... the large meal being lunch in the dining room.  Sometimes the selection isn't optimal for me since I have no teeth so I have to get creative in my ordering.  I don't REALLY want to order a ten dollar hamburger everyday.  They have a nasty habit of substituting a pasta dish when I order potatoes... sometimes with cheese, which is bad for my IBS, and the pasta makes me choke because it gets stuck in the flap where I pulled out my vocal cords trying to pull out my breathing tube after my second CABG.  I guess I'm going to have to be more firm about getting what I ask for instead of what they WANT to give me.  I realize that there are a lot of people ordering a lot of different things, but they DO have electronic devices on which they can write the orders.  These are the same devices on which they charge you for your meal.

I need to start cooking again.  My sister did buy me some new pots and pans.  They're not the expensive ones I bought and are used to but I COULD cook with them.  I just have to wait for payday and see if I have any money left for food.  I have very little in my refrigerator and pantry at the moment.  That's another thing I have to get used to.  It's just strange being without a way to get the things I need.  I can starve myself of some of my medication if I have to in order to buy food.  They seem to be overdosing me on blood pressure medicine at the moment anyway.  Either that or my heart is just on its last legs with the arteries being so plugged.  I DO still seem to be getting around fairly well with my mom's rollator though so as long as I don't have a sudden blood pressure drop, I'm okay.  I can cook what I need when I get some food and what I need right now is spinach.  Strangely enough, if I start getting warts, I know that I need spinach.  I had three on my foot and ate spinach everyday for two weeks and they went away.  Fifty-nine years of trial and error has let me know what my body needs.  Oh, and I also need to learn to cook meat that's tender enough for me to eat.  My heart still needs it to heal.  I really don't get enough protein from Vegan diets or even eating just fish for some reason.  Eating beef seems to line out my blood pressure generally.

Socializing is strange at first.  I'm lucky that I smoke or I probably wouldn't have many friends yet.  Playing guitar and singing helps as well.  They keep wanting me to perform for the Fun Friday event but I'm not performance ready at this time and I don't have the equipment that I really need to make it a better experience.  Some people are suspicious of strangers at first because they're afraid that you're going to "narc" on them for smoking cigarettes outside their door instead of going to the designated areas.  Heck.  I don't care what they do.  If they want to drink in the smoking area (which I don't think is allowed since the American Bistro serves alcohol), I don't care.  It's cheaper for them to buy their own than pay $4.00 a beer.  I know what it's like to be on a very strict budget.  I just try to get along with everyone and stay out of their squabbles with other tenants as much as possible.  Being probably the youngest tenant here makes things a little strange sometimes and I feel like an outcast most of the time except when I'm with my friends at the smoking table.  I try to keep them laughing as much as possible but there are some days that it's hard for me to joke around.  It would be nice to find someone who can make me laugh too.  A couple of the ladies come up with a nice zinger on occasion but many of the people here can't hear or don't have the mental faculties to carry on a conversation.  Sometimes people avoid me because they think I'm one of the staff unless I'm carrying around my guitar.  I guess I need to carry around my guitar more often.

I HAVE gotten the nickname Superman here since I generally wear a Superman shirt when I play guitar for the ladies.  It was my performance outfit online so it may as well be here too.  The old folks like Superman anyway.  As long as it makes people happy, who is it hurting?  The only people who seem to object are my family.  Ah well.  I think they're at least used to it by now.  I really don't know what they have against Superman.  Maybe they're Batman fans.  hah

If I had my vehicle, the Willowbrook Mall is only one block away.  I could probably make it with the rollator if I took enough sit breaks but I'm a little uneasy about getting out of the range of my locator until the doctor gets my blood pressure medications straightened out.  Right now my body is holding me captive from going and exploring the hot spots.  Of course, money is an issue at the moment as well.  After having someone somehow getting my new debit card number (which I haven't even had a chance to use) and putting a bunch of $39.00 charges on it, it hasn't left much to even pay the bills.  My sister went to the bank and thinks that she finally got it straightened out.  They cancelled the card again so HOPEFULLY they won't be able to get the new card number AGAIN.  Every time I ordered the MIDI cables for my electric piano, my mom lost the card and cancelled it anyway so it was useless for me to try to order anything online.  I'm not sure what happened this time.  I went to the websites listed on the bank statement and they appeared to be phishing sites though so I suspect that someone tried to order something with my card, perhaps by accident.

I guess the biggest adjustment to being moved into a place like this is the loss of control over your own life.  Yes, I forget people's names sometimes and I can't remember telephone numbers since the mini-stroke but other than that, my brain seems to be functioning fairly well.  Maybe I'm not functioning as well as I think I am but everyone here seems to feel that I'm functioning just fine.  Yes, I have problems when the diarrhea hits and my blood pressure drops making me nearly pass out or completely pass out once but I'm on a medication to help control that now.  If it works, I should be fine.  That and not eating milk products does make a difference.  It's probably good to be in a place where there are people in case something DOES happen, but it's still hard losing control over your finances and possessions.  I'm not BIG on possessions but I WOULD like to have what I need to do the things I'd like to do to at least bring a little happiness to others.  Knowing that you're probably serving a life sentence in a place, even if it's nice, is a difficult adjustment.  A nice prison is still a prison.  I'm not really confined since I can leave when I want as long as I check out and back in so they know why the locator alarm is going off but it still feels as if you're being monitored.  I understand that it's for my health but it's still disconcerting.  I don't feel old enough to be in this situation.  I'm pretty sure that even the 80+ year olds feel the same way.  Still, I'm quite a bit younger than most of the people here so my feeling this way is probably a little more justified.

I guess I'll get used to it eventually.  I might have to have a few good cries with some of the other tenants who feel that they were snatched from their lives and abandoned in a place out of the way of the family on occasion, but I'll get used to it.  It's just a major adjustment.

This isn't the first time that God has moved me around.  I know that I'm helping people but I thought that I had finally finished my work and was moving on in the place in which I chose for that purpose.  Maybe I'll be miraculously healed again and be able to travel around to other places to cheer up the elderly again.  Maybe I'll just finish my time here.  This place wouldn't be so lonely if I had a mate and a vehicle.  I envy those who do.  I guess I'll just have to wait to see what God has in store.  I'm just having to do without so many of the things that I used to have at my fingertips and having to do without the company of my pets that I'm feeling stir-crazy.  Well, it's almost 2:00am and my mind is very tired so I guess I had better go back to bed.  Maybe one of these days I'll get used to this place enough to be able to sleep at night.

Love, Hope, Peace, and Christ Be With You,

Cal-el

The Reflecting Pool and

The Reflecting Pool

My grandmother returned to her uncle's plantation home for a final visit before her marriage.  Her mother died in childbirth which led to her being raised in a convent while her dad worked as an engineer on the railroad.  He died on his way to see her engagement ring when his train hit a stretch of bad track.  Her uncle was all the family she had left.
The outside of the plantation home was nothing but painted plywood, the home having been burned by the Yankees after the civil war.  Because they had been treated as sharecroppers, the negroes stayed and continued to work their share of the crops.  The sharecroppers houses out front remained undamaged and were a couple of acres in front of the main house.  Out back, though, the old trees and reflecting pool remained.


My grandmother used to play here with her assigned "servant" whom she merely considered a friend.  As she sat reflecting on those days, a servant about her age approached.  It was Simone, her old friend from her childhood.




My grandmother jumped up and embraced Simone.




"How are you doing, Simone?  It has been forever since I've seen you!"




"I'm doing just fine, Miss Delhomme.  I heard you done got engaged!"




"What's this 'Miss Delhomme' nonsense?  It's Lorraine just lime before.  Yes, I met a man.  His name is Albert Hamilton Tribe.  He performs on the radio in the Rice Hotel in Houston.  He's so dreamy!  He finally popped the question!  See the ring?  Isn't it beautiful?"




Yes, it's beautiful, Miss Lorainne!  I'd better keep the 'Miss' so the master of the house doesn't think I'm being disrespectful to our guests.  What brings you back to Louisiana, Miss Lorraine?"




"Well, as you know, my father died and I just needed the company of some family.  I'm an orphan now, you know."




"Yes, I know.  I'm sorry, Miss Lorrraine.  Let me give you a hug."




They embraced once again and my grandmother started crying on her shoulder.




"There, there, Miss Lorraine.  We're still here for you and you know that your uncle loves you dearly.  Besides, you'll soon be Mrs. Tribe and you'll have a man to look after you."




"Yes, I know.  It's just hard losing my father.  We were so close even though he rarely got to come home.  It's a shame about all of those hobos who died in the wreck.  My dad wasn't supposed to let them ride but he could never turn down a poor person who needed a hand.  My step-mother took all of the money from the train company.  She was always so jealous of me.  Dad had to sneak away to come visit me at the convent."




"It's sad, Miss Lorraine.  She sure weren't mother material.  As much as you hated that convent, you were probably better off than being raised by THAT selfish witch.  I feel for you."




"So, is Uncle Curtis still treating you alright?  Have you married yet?"




"Your Uncle Curtis is treating me just fine.  Things were tight last year because of the bad crops but he saw that we were fed and taken care of.  I sure do miss the extra desert you used to sneak me when you were here when we were young though."




"Haha!  I'll order double again tonight and you'll have your extra dessert."




"Oh, thank you, Miss Lorraine.  It will be just like old times.  Hehe"




"Just like old times.  Now, if you don't mind, could you leave me here alone for awhile?  I have a lot of things to think about at this old reflecting pool."




"Sure thing, Miss Lorraine.  Just ring this bell if you need me.  I'll be sitting in the shack over there catching up on my knitting."




Simone reached in her pocket and pulled out a small, ornate silver bell with an ornate handle and handed it to my grandmother. My grandmother took the bell and put it into her pocket.




"Thank you, Simone."




"My pleasure, Miss Lorraine."




My grandmother turned back to the reflecting pool as Simone walked to the shack.  She stared at the Japanese Carp swimming and floating around the pond and started thinking about her childhood.  She thought about the harp that her real mother owned... and her stepmother despised... and remembered how much she wished that her mother had lived so she could grow up listening to the harp being played as she grew up.  She thought about how much she hated the convent and the cruel nuns who raised her but how much more special that made it she her dad came home to visit.  She thought about how much she missed him and wept awhile.  Her thoughts then turned to her future.  She would soon be married and having children.  She would no longer be mistreated by the Sisters in the convent.  She would leave the church and become a Methodist like her husband.  It was both exciting and scary at the same time.




Ah, the reflecting pool.  She remembered listening to the workers working the fields and singing hymns.  She remembered the feasts after harvest.  She remembered everyone sitting with the workers and eating watermelon on hot days.  It would soon be time to return to her apartment in Houston and get on with the business of planning the wedding.  For now though, she had family and the reflecting pool.

A Coin In the Fountain

A Coin In the Fountain



 

Jack stood at the fountain and sighed. He was over his divorce from his cheating wife and he felt lonely. He had tried asking out women from church but the only ones available were at least ten years older than he was. He didn't have the smooth way of picking up women that most guys seemed to have. All he needed was a break.










 Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out some change. In his hand lay two pennies, one tarnished and the other shiny, a dime, and a quarter.










 "I don't want to be cheap and get a cheap woman so I'll use the quarter" he thought, somewhat amusing himself.










 Jack took the quarter in between his left index finger and thumb then returned the rest of the change to his pocket. He then placed the quarter in his right hand, made a fist around the quarter, and whispered his wish into his fist.








 "I wish for an intelligent, charming, beautiful woman with whom I can share this lovely day."




 He tossed the quarter into the fountain, visualizing the woman he would like to meet. The splash of the quarter in the water brought him out of his visualization.






 Jack looked to his left and saw nothing then turns to the right and started walking to the fence to stare aimlessly at the pond. Just as he took his third step, a woman ran right into him. They both paused, startled. The woman began to speak.






 "I'm so sorry. I didn't see you. I beg your pardon."






 "It's no problem at all. I should have been more careful as well."






 They had grabbed each other instinctively to keep from falling and were still holding on. Suddenly their eyes met. It was instant attraction. It was as if their souls had been ripped apart at birth and they finally found each other but both were too shy to be forward about it. Still, the eyes said more than the words ever could have. All at once they noticed that they were still holding each other and slowly and awkwardly let go.






 Jack spoke.


 "I haven't seen you around here before, have I, Ms...?"






 "Jill. My name is Jill. No, I don't believe so. I just came in on a flight from out of town."






 "There's a concert in the park over to the left in a couple hours. Would you like to get something to eat and watch it with me, Jill?"






Jack quickly glanced toward her ring finger.


 "No, I'm not married. What about you? I know that guys sometimes don't wear rings."


 "No, I got divorced a few years ago. Shall we?"

Jack reached out his hand and she put her hand in hers. They started to walk to a nearby restaurant.






 At the restaurant, Jack pulled out Jill's chair for her then seated himself. Jack motioned for a waiter and they ordered. Jack had a confession to make.






 "Jill, you may not believe this but just before we bumped into each other I made a wish at the fountain. I don't normally believe in such things and didn't see anyone around so I started moping over to the pond when we ran into each other. Maybe there's a little magic in that old fountain after all?"






 Jill laughed, "Maybe."






 "Do you believe in fate?"






 "Not really but stranger things have happened. By the way, which group is playing in the park?"






 "Blood, Sweat, and Tears. They're from my high school years but a free concert is a free concert."






 "That's true. Besides, I like them."






 "Wonderful! We should enjoy it then. It's an early concert. It starts at six and will probably end at eight."






 "That will work great for me. If things go well, I might have something we can do afterwards."


 "Such as" asked Jack with his eyebrows raising and lowering.






 "Not that. Haha You'll see."






 Jack and Jill received their orders and began to eat.






 They finished their dinner then headed over to the concert area. Jack walked up behind the car and opened the trunk. He pulled out a styrofoam blanket and a quilt.






 "We're here early enough to get a good spot. I know the best place to set up."






 Jill followed him to the top of a man-made hill and watched as Jack selected the spot. She then helped him lay out the large quilt.






 "Isn't this a bit far back" asked Jill.






 "No, really... this is just the right distance. You'll see when the annoying people in their lawn chairs start to set up and block most peoples' views. This is just far enough back to see over the lawn chairs and just the right location for the best sound."






 "Okay. You're the boss."






 Jack opened up the ice chest and pulled out a can of Sterno and a strange contraption made of a twisted coat hanger. He lit the Sterno and placed the contraption over it. He then pulled out a small aluminum pot and placed a cake of brie in it and set the pot on the homemade pot stand. As the brie started warming, he pulled out a bottle of chardonnay and a wine opener. He produced two wine glasses and handed them to Jill. He then opened the wine and poured. The last item he pulled out of the chest was a box of fancy crackers. Soon the brie would be warm enough to eat.






 The band came on and played hit after hit as Jack and Jill sat on the hill eating their crackers and brie. By the end of the concert, the brie and wine were gone and they stopped for a long, romantic kiss. Afterward, Jack turned to Jill and spake.






 "That was a nice concert, wasn't it?"






 "Oh, wonderful! The refreshments and kissing weren't bad either."






 Jill gave Jack a wink.






 "Well then, Jill. What was this thing that you wanted to do afterwards?"






 "It's a surprise. Get in the car and drive us to the planetarium."






 "The planetarium? That seems an odd surprise."






 They loaded the trunk with the quilt and ice chest and Jack shut the trunk. He then went to the passenger door and let Jill in then went around to the driver's side, got in, and started the car.






 "Off to the planetarium" exclaimed Jack. He really didn't see why they couldn't have walked since it was just a block over.






 "Off to the planetarium!"






 They arrived and Jack parked the car then went around and opened Jill's door for her.




 "So, what's the surprise" asked Jack as he locked and closed her door behind her.




 Jill reached into her purse and pulled out two tickets. Jack still had no idea what they were doing there.






 "Let's get in line" said Jill.






 When they got to the door, the doorman tore the tickets and gave each one of them a ticket. Jack looked at his stub.






 "The Pink Floyd laser light show" Jack exclaimed. "I've always wanted to see this but never took the time!"






 The show was a dazzling set of laser effects set to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon album. By the time the show was over it was getting late.






 Jack turned to Jill and invited her to his place for the night. She agreed.






 It was a thirty minute drive to his place once they got out of downtown Houston. Jill sat next to him and he put his arm around her shoulders as they drove. They had conversations about their hopes and dreams and found so many things they agreed on.
 When they finally reached Jack's house, they went inside. Jack put on some romantic music and sat down on the couch beside Jill. After about thirty minutes of making out, Jack stood up, took Jill by the hand, and led her to the bedroom where they made passionate love. When it was over, Jill turned to Jack and spoke softly to him.






 "That was a wonderful fantasy, wasn't it, darling? What are we going to do for our next anniversary?"

The Betrayal - Creative Riters Challenge #11

Creative Riters Corner # 11












You have reached a point in life where you're throwing the old debris out, your way of preparing to start over and restarting your life. As you rummage through old stuff, you find something which you received earlier in the year which meant a great deal to you then, but which only causes pain now.








Tell us about it by showing us who gave it to you, where it's been, and what has caused it to fall out of favor. Write in the voice of your opposite gender for this challenge -- if you're female, write as a man, if male, as a woman.




No word limit.

The Betrayal

She was to have been my lesbian wife. She had been following me on the Internet ever since I had my live show on LiveVideo but had stayed mostly hidden in the background since the site closed.









About four months ago she came to me and confessed how much she needed me. I was fed up with women and I certainly didn't want any of those foul men. Men are dirty and disgusting. I tried to discourage her at first because my heart had been broken so many times before by lesbians who just wanted to use me. I guess they saw my Supergirl outfit and thought that I was just crazy and could be easily used.









Margaret pled and pled with me to give her a chance. Our personalities seemed to be a match made in heaven. She was the most wonderful butch I had ever met. We lived in separate areas of the UK. I lived in London and she lived in Houghton Regis. I didn't care that we lived a distance apart. I was more than willing to travel to her or have her travel to me.  Even though I didn't have much money left over each month I had secretly started saving the moment I met her because she was the one.  I simply quit eating some days and suffered rather than taking my pharmaceuticals just so we could be together one day.




She was so thin and handsome.  Everything a fluff like me could want.  She was MY Princess Charming, nay, my queen to whom I would devote my life and services.










I always loved the way she teased me and ordered me about, sending me to the step when I was naughty.  When she started sending me to the pink fluffy step, I knew that her feelings had deepened.  One day, she finally admitted that she had feelings for me.
I was so happy that she finally admitted it that I was overjoyed.  She, like I, was afraid of love because we had been hurt so many times before but she finally said that she loved me.  I had to do something special.










I started writing her a song and she wanted to hear what I had written.  She had put on a Superman shirt for me to match my Supergirl outfit.  When I saw it, I became so hot and wet that I almost slipped off of my chair.


I told her that for me to be able to let her hear it, I would need a picture so that I could put the song in a YouTube video to send to her.  She gave me permission to take a screenshot picture of her in the Superman shirt to use for the song.  She got out of her chair and posed and I snapped the shot.  It was the only thing that she ever really gave me.





She got scared and blocked me.  I knew that she feared her feelings so I wrote her a letter.  Finally, she unblocked me but told me never to post on her wall.  I found that strange but I was so in love that I obeyed her wishes.  She was so forceful and strict that it really thrilled me.










The next day, she showed me the wedding outfit that she wanted and chose the ring that she wanted.  Knowing that she was sick and broke, I was ready to buy anything she wanted.
She told me that she wanted to get married in a castle so I found the best castle which used to allow wedding ceremonies.  They said that they no longer allowed weddings there so I showed her a few other castles but I was secretly going to make a large donation to their restoration fund if they would allow our wedding.  I wanted it to be a surprise.  She said that she wanted to come visit so I secretly started saving for her ticket as well.  By stopping all of my pharmaceuticals and eating only once every other day, I was able to save more quickly than I realized.









We continued to talk and one day, because she had started being stand offish, I told her I was going to start dating someone else if she couldn't commit.  Every time I told her I loved her, she would send me to the step because she was afraid of love.  I told her I was afraid of marriage and thought that she rushed it a little.  It hurt her feelings and she didn't talk to me for a few days.










The third day, she wanted to Skype again, so we did.  After we talked and laughed awhile, she told me that she had to tell me something.  I was all ears.











"I don't want to tell you this... but... I love you with all of my heart and soul and I'm afraid of losing you."










I was overjoyed!  I was finally loved by another woman and I'm sure that my face lit bright enough to light a thousand lighthouses.  I gave her my reply.










"I love you with all of my heart and mind and soul as well.  I can't wait for us to be in a large, pink , fluffy bed with satin sheets and please one another sensually.  I can't wait to be your wife!"










"I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED!"










"You're the one who brought it up."










"STEP!"










"Look, darling.  Don't be afraid of your feelings.  You know that we love each other and can't stand to be without each other."










She looked angry and went silent and logged off.










I knew that something wasn't right.  When she came back on a few days later though, she explained that a friend of hers died.  She said that she wished that she still had her care bear but someone stole it.










We continued to talk for awhile and I listened to her feelings about her friend passing.  I talked with her about her feelings and when she started crying, it pulled my heart strings.
I knew I had to do something to help her past this so I found the kind of care bear of which she was so fond and posted it to her.  It came to almost triple the price with the postage and handling but I didn't care.  I knew that she needed its comfort.










It arrived a few days before my birthday.  She seemed so happy to receive it.  It filled me with joy that I was able to make my foxy little queen angel mistress so happy.  I KNEW that we were going to be happy together. I found it strange later that she didn't tell me so much as "Happy Birthday " but she kept talking tenderly and lovingly.










She started letting me say that I love her on occasion but sometimes reminded me that she didn't like that word.  We grew closer and closer and one day I offered to buy some Super special friendship rings that were more than just friendship.  SHE SAID YES!










I started to order the expensive rings but something about her telling me that she didn't want to use the word love bothered me.  I bought a set of rings that would bond us but I bought the cheapest set of rings I could find to see whether or not she would send me my ring.  It was a test.










We continued to talk and she finally got the rings just before Valentine's Day.  Since it was a set, she was to send mine back to me.  She said that she loved it and was sending my ring the next day.  She asked for my address again to be sure that she got it right, which seemed strange, but I figured that since she asked she truly intended to send it. 










I surprised her on Valentine's Day posting the picture of the ring she sent me and tagged her so she would have a copy of the picture on her page.  I also posted a couple special Valentine's Day cards on her page to make her day special.  I told her that I had the money to get her to London and she said, "Don't make any plans."  She became angry that I posted something on her page.  I explained to her that I was just trying to make her Valentine's Day special since we were so far apart.  I started crying and told her and screamed at her that she couldn't let me enjoy even one moment.










"Oh, good grief.  Okay."










"Thank you" I whimpered.










People started making comments on the post and some were jealous and others had to try to make it about themselves, telling her how much better THEIR rings were.  I defended her and she told them that it was the most wonderful ring in the world.










The picture had posted twice on her page because of a facebook error so we left that post and started flirting with each other on the other post.  Some MAN jumped in and had to make a smart ass comment.










"This is all bullshit."










"You're bullshit!"  I was pissed that some MAN would try to ruin our wonderful moment.








Margaret jumped in.








"Not on MY page!"








She then blocked ME and I never heard from her again.  I never received my ring and I was glad that I had tested her with the cheaper rings first.  That wanker.  That cunt!  She gave me up for a fucking MAN!










I know it won't last as big of a lesbian that she really is.  I know that he's just using him for his money.  That trollop!  I'll never speak to her again!










The only problem is that picture is still on my song.  Everytime I see it, it breaks my heart.  I would have treated her so well and given her everything she wanted and he was probably going to beat the shit out of her like the last MAN did!  Good!  I hope he breaks her fucking NECK!  Still, I miss all of those sweet moments of laughter and fun we had, revealing our bodies to one another and running to the bedroom after to give ourselves release. 


Even though I removed the pictures of her from my favorites, they still come up on my cell phone.  Everytime I see that picture, my heart breaks again and tears flow from my eyes.  I so longed to kiss her tender lips and fondle her sweet breasts as she fondled mine.  I know that will never happen now and it tears me apart... EVERY TIME I SEE THAT PICTURE!  Fucking men!  Daft fucking cunt!

Sermon for Wednesday 12-30-2014 What's Really Needed In the World?

Mark 16:15-20 King James Version (KJV)
 
15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.
16 He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.
17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
19 So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.
20 And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen.

What's Really Needed In the World?

It's amazing how a seemingly unrelated post on Facebook can cause an epiphany!  

I was reading a post about Pat Benatar's husband's birthday and someone commented that if her husband hadn't gotten her to change to rock she would still be just a lounge singer.  JUST A LOUNGE SINGER?  Well, as some of you know, I'm a fan of torch singers so I went on a search for Pat Benatar singing one of her "lounge singer" songs to see how she sounded.  What I eventually found was this:

Here's My Heart by Pat Benatar, Film Version 

 

captainsquare

If you haven't seen the film Metropolis to understand what it's about, I recommend you do so.  I haven't yet seen the 1984 version from which this was taken.  I first saw the pieced together original version in River Oaks at a theater there.  I recently saw it again.  When I saw this clip, I realized what I had been wanting to say all along and how it fit into my idea of WORLDstock, a vision that God had given me.

What is WORLDstock?

I have given my part of a shared vision, the idea of WORLDstock, to Aliza Hava who has a better location... Jerusalem.  After all, what better place to take this message than the root of where these things stem from? I feared that I might die before I could get the vision moving and I just hadn't anticipated running into anyone who would have access to the area and be able to put on a peace concert there before I met her.  She was working on a similar peace project so she was perfect to share my part of the vision with.  Anyway, onto the story.

I always related to Freder because I came from part of both worlds and had trouble resolving the conflict within when I stepped out of my life of relative privilege and saw what it was to live and work amongst the workers.  There was a terrible dichotomy inside me.  If only I could find someone to stand by my side to support me into trying to bring a resolution between the two worlds like Freder did. I need the love and encouragement to make it happen. I have the connections. I just need those who have faith enough in my idea to make it happen.

 When I saw this particular clip of Metropolis with Pat Benatar's song Here's My Heart, it struck me.  I think it shows how true love can truly bring understanding and lasting peace between opposing groups.  The groups aren't opposing in reality but need each other to exist. It's just that both groups have forgotten that they need each other and need to be compassionate toward one another.

I have seen the tensions forming on both sides.  It's like a repeat of the movie Metropolis.  Both sides seem to be warring with each other and it is about to become a revolution that could destroy everything on earth.  Deep down, the rich know that it's not right to hoard everything and starve the workers who made their riches and machinery possible.  

Proverbs 11:26 King James Version (KJV)

²⁶ He that withholdeth corn, the people shall curse him: but blessing shall be upon the head of him that selleth it.

Isaiah 23:18 King James Version (KJV)

¹⁸ And her merchandise and her hire shall be holiness to the Lord: it shall not be treasured nor laid up; for her merchandise shall be for them that dwell before the Lord, to eat sufficiently, and for durable clothing.

Proverbs 28:27 King James Version (KJV)

²⁷ He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack: but he that hideth his eyes shall have many a curse.

Deep down, the poor know that it's not right to kill the rich and to destroy everything that they created which also supports them and their lifestyle.  Instead of a warring revolution with possible nuclear implications, what is needed is a meeting of the hearts.  Rather than revolution we need conflict resolution.  Though the following song is dated, its message is what the world really needs right now... not war, not revolutions, but true love.

James 3:13-18 King James Version (KJV)

¹³ Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.
¹⁴ But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.
¹⁵ This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.
¹⁶ For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
¹⁷ But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
¹⁸ And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.

Proverbs 13:4 King James Version (KJV)

⁴ The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.

Proverbs 6:34 King James Version (KJV)

³⁴ For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.

Jackie DeShannon - What the World Needs Now (with lyrics) 

 

magnalink600

Now, it's true that at this point, the technology exists to tell the corporate masters to go to hell.  What people of those groups don't realize is that it's not something that would happen overnight.  Some people can't afford completely self-sustainable quarters and don't have the health to go out in search of their own food.  Not everyone can afford to relocate.  There are people living on the streets with no food and no housing.  They have no source of income and there are no jobs out there that they are capable of performing.  The Venus Project has some great ideas but these ideas take money and time to implement.  If none of the people who support the ideas have the money to make it happen, the ideas are irrelevant.  Still, a more compassionate view between the working class and the management class could acheive similar results and there would be no need for the wars and destruction that are likely to take place in the very near future if something doesn't change.  Don't be fooled.  The working class now has very powerful weapons at its disposal.  They have been stockpiling guns, grenades, missile launchers, and have even obtained nuclear weapons and support.  Spending your life hiding in an underground bunker, no matter how elaborate, is no substitute for living among others in a peaceful, compassionate fashion.  Shouldn't we find a way to make peace rather than revolt?  This was Jesus' vision.  It was God's message to mankind.  It was why God sent Jesus to the Jews and to all mankind.  Let's make the following verse a reality everyday as He intended.

Luke 2:14King James Version (KJV)

14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Sometimes, I don't think women realize what an inspiration a woman can be to a man. She can wake all his hidden talents even if they've lain dormant for decades. Ladies, don't fear your man's talents and abilities. Don't suppress them. Help nurture and guide them so that he can make the most of them and you... And maybe the rest of the world... Will reap the rewards.  The reverse is true as well.  Support your women in their talents and dreams.

John 16:33 New International Version (NIV)

33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

True love can overcome any barrier whether it be social class, race, sex, or great distance.  As long as we truly open our hearts to one another, we will be surprised at how much more compatible we are than we previously thought.  I owe this to someone whom I truly admire, and yes, love.

John 16:33 King James Version (KJV)

33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

I don't fear the world or what it can do to me. I know that He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world. I am quite comfortable being of good cheer in dangerous times because I've been through dangerous times and I know that He shall see me through until the end.

1 John 4:4 King James Version (KJV)

4 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.

We should not be afraid of others. We should especially not be afraid of those who would keep us from doing God's will through threats of harm. These things will come and these things will pass.

Matthew 24:8-14 King James Version (KJV)

8 All these are the beginning of sorrows.
9 Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.
10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.
11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.
12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.
13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.
14 And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.

I know that tougher times are coming, but I've been there too and know that God will give me the words to say when it is time to say them. I shall endure unto the end. I shall be here until God calls me home.

Luke 12:11-12 King James Version (KJV)

11 And when they bring you unto the synagogues, and unto magistrates, and powers, take ye no thought how or what thing ye shall answer, or what ye shall say:
12 For the Holy Ghost shall teach you in the same hour what ye ought to say.

So, be of good cheer. If you have accepted Jesus into your heart, fear not. If you have not then I invite you to do it at this time. Here is a simple prayer you can pray.

Dear Jesus,

Come into my heart and teach me the things I need to know. Teach me how to love God with all of my heart and all of my soul. Teach me how to love you and to love others as you did. Teach me your ways and teach me of heavenly things that I might walk in your path until the end.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Love, Hope, Peace, and Christ be with you,

Cal-el

What's Really Needed In the World?

It's amazing how a seemingly unrelated post on Facebook can cause an epiphany!  

I was reading a post about Pat Benatar's husband's birthday and someone commented that if her husband hadn't gotten her to change to rock she would still be just a lounge singer.  JUST A LOUNGE SINGER?  Well, as some of you know, I'm a fan of torch singers so I went on a search for Pat Benatar singing one of her "lounge singer" songs to see how she sounded.  What I eventually found was this:

Here's My Heart by Pat Benatar, Film Version

captainsquare

If you haven't seen the film Metropolis to understand what it's about, I recommend you do so.  I haven't yet seen the 1984 version from which this was taken.  I first saw the pieced together original version in River Oaks at a theater there.  I recently saw it again.  When I saw this clip, I realized what I had been wanting to say all along and how it fit into my idea of WORLDstock.

What is WORLDstock?

I have given my part of a shared vision, the idea of WORLDstock, to Aliza Hava who has a better location... Jerusalem.  I feared that I might die before I could get the vision moving and I just hadn't anticipated running into anyone who would have access to the area and be able to put on a peace concert there before I met her.  She was working on a similar peace project so she was perfect to share my part of the vision with.  Anyway, onto the story.

I always related to Freder because I came from part of both worlds and had trouble resolving the conflict within when I stepped out of my life of relative privilege and saw what it was to live and work amongst the workers.  There was a terrible dichotomy inside me.  If only I could find someone to stand by my side to support me into trying to bring a resolution between the two worlds. I need the love and encouragement to make it happen. I have the connections. I just need those who have faith enough in my idea to make it happen.

 When I saw this particular clip of Metropolis with Pat Benatar's song Here's My Heart, it struck me.  I think it shows how true love can truly bring understanding and lasting peace between opposing groups.  The groups aren't opposing in reality but need each other to exist. It's just that both groups have forgotten that they need each other and need to be compassionate toward one another.

I have seen the tensions forming on both sides.  It's like a repeat of the movie Metropolis.  Both sides seem to be warring with each other and it is about to become a revolution that could destroy everything on earth.  Deep down, the rich know that it's not right to hoard everything and starve the workers who made their riches and machinery possible.  Deep down, the poor know that it's not right to kill the rich and to destroy everything that they created which also supports them and their lifestyle.  Instead of a warring revolution with possible nuclear implications, what is needed is a meeting of the hearts.  Rather than revolution we need conflict resolution.  Though the following song is dated, its message is what the world really needs right now... not war, not revolutions, but true love.

Jackie DeShannon - What the World Needs Now (with lyrics)

magnalink600

Now, it's true that at this point, the technology exists to tell the corporate masters to go to hell.  What people of those groups don't realize is that it's not something that would happen overnight.  Some people can't afford completely self-sustainable quarters and don't have the health to go out in search of their own food.  Not everyone can afford to relocate.  There are people living on the streets with no food and no housing.  They have no source of income and there are no jobs out there that they are capable of performing.  The Venus Project has some great ideas but these ideas take money and time to implement.  If none of the people who support the ideas have the money to make it happen, the ideas are irrelevant.  Still, a more compassionate view between the working class and the management class could acheive similar results and there would be no need for the wars and destruction that are likely to take place in the very near future if something doesn't change.  Don't be fooled.  The working class now has very powerful weapons at its disposal.  They have been stockpiling guns, grenades, missile launchers, and have even obtained nuclear weapons and support.  Spending your life hiding in an underground bunker, no matter how elaborate, is no substitute for living among others in a peaceful, compassionate fashion.  Shouldn't we find a way to make peace rather than revolt?  This was Jesus' vision.  It was God's message to mankind.  It was why God sent Jesus to the Jews and to all mankind.  Let's make the following verse a reality everyday as He intended.

Luke 2:14King James Version (KJV)

¹⁴ Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.


Love, Hope, Peace, and Christ be with you,

Cal-el

P.S.  Sometimes, I don't think women realize what an inspiration a woman can be to a man. She can wake all his hidden talents even if they've lain dormant for decades. Ladies, don't fear your man's talents and abilities. Don't suppress them. Help nurture and guide them so that he can make the most of them and you... And maybe the rest of the world... Will reap the rewards.  The reverse is true as well.  Support your women in their talents and dreams.

P.P.S.  True love can overcome any barrier whether it be social class, race, sex, or great distance.  As long as we truly open our hearts to one another, we will be surprised at how much more compatible we are than we previously thought.  I owe this to someone whom I truly admire, and yes, love.

Glenn Beck's Commencement Address at Liberty University

I'm really not sure why, but for some reason I felt that, in the interest of being fair and balanced, I should listen to Glenn Beck's commencement address at Liberty University. I listened to the whole thing, mostly out of morbid curiosity. He did alright thanking them for giving him an honorary PhD "...with all the rights and privileges apertaining thereto," at least for a man of his beliefs. When he started comparing himself to Moses, however, my eyes rolled so far back in my head that they became stuck and I'm having to type this blog blind. Ok, not really, but you get the point. I did feel it was interesting enough to make a spoof video of. Enjoy: