My Growing Ignorance

Well, it has finally happened. Between the dementia, the chemtrails, the nanobots they injected into me when they gave me the flu vaccine, and God knows WHAT they put into me when they did my heart surgeries, my mind has diminished to the level of a conservative Texas Republican. I now think liberals are stupid, Obama is a Manchurian Candidate probably born in Kenya, and can't wait until Jesus comes and burns all of those gays who are trying to get married. I want to see the borders closed to prevent Ebola and other foreign diseases from entering the country. I want to personally oversee Mayor Annise Parker being thrown into the pit of hell for demanding preachers' sermons. I now call CNN the Clinton News Network. I think every child in America should be issued a handgun at birth. I think that national service just gives more control to the evil government who wants to take our hard earned money and that it's an invitation to totalitarianism. I think all government handouts are socialist, especially the ones that help ME.

I can't trust my thoughts and memories because the government may be manipulating them through microwaves transmitted from HAARP. I dare not watch the news because the airwaves are filled with transmissions to make me think evil, vile thoughts. What kind of thoughts? Thoughts about vile things like sex, drugs, rock and roll, and communism. Even so, I can't be sure that the government isn't beaming thoughts directly into my brain via satellite. What if every memory of my past was placed there by the government to forward their evil agenda to bring about the New World Order? The only things I can trust are Texas, true Texans, cattle ranching, and farming. I might even start trusting big oil if things get any worse. Whoops! I think it just happened.

Thank God for the Koch brothers standing up against government regulation. Thank God for fracking which will bring us the oil we need to drive our big SUVs. I'm joining the Tea Party and we're going to take America back! We will get rid of abortion, make everyone attend a good Christian church at least once a week, bring back petticoats, bobby socks, school dances, and good ol' nookie in the back seat at drive-ins. We will get women out of the workforce and put them back in the houses cooking, cleaning, and watching the kids while we're at work. I just haven't figured out how a man is going to support his wife and kids on one job yet. I'm sure that Jesus will provide if I pray hard enough.

It's a good thing that I trust millionaires, billionaires, and trillionaires to make the proper decisions regarding my bank account. They deserve to run the government since they're smart enough to make all of that money. THEY'LL take our country away from those evil commie liberal socialist scumbags! Long live capitalism! God bless the Koch brothers!