I Figured It Out

Yesterday I posted something that I had written a couple days earlier then revised.  I left a long comment to Katy that was full of fear and anxiety.  I didn't realize what was going on until later last night when the anxiety came to a head. Yeah, I got angry about being dumped, but that was just a very temporary thing.  Yesterday I started freaking out over EVERYTHING.  I had the urge to jump out of the bed from the anxiety.  At that point I realized what was going on.  The feeling was unmistakable.  I have cabin fever.

I've only had cabin fever once before maybe five or six years back in December.  My son was driving me to my sister's house for Christmas dinner when I was suddenly gripped with a strong urge to jump out of the car.  I made it to my sister's house but sitting through the dinner and chit chat was nerve wrenching.  It continued even when I got back home.  Come to find out, it was cabin fever.  I had heard my grandmother talk about getting it when I was a teenager.  It was my mom who told me about when she had it and recognized the symptoms in me that I remembered my grandmother talking about it.

Now, in spite of what some people say, there's really not much you can do about it but ride it out.  Valium helps, but if you don't have your prescription, you aren't going to get any relief.  It's especially difficult for those of us with anxiety disorder.  The odd thing is that it hit me in the Summer.  It's generally a Winter affliction.  Maybe the darkness in my room because of the jasmine vines covering my bedroom window had something to do with it.  Still, I've been out of the house walking, going to the doctor's, and going to get groceries.  It's not like I haven't left the house at all.  I HAVE been confined to either a hospital bed or my bed a lot this year because of the heart surgery though.  Maybe that has something to do with it.

I feel sorry for poor Katy as I unloaded my emotions on to her comment.  I don't like doing that to people.  I really wasn't myself.  It was the cabin fever... either that or a bad trip flashback from something I took in the 70s.